I’m sure YOU are handling the overwhelm just fine, but a few days ago, I reached my limit.
I lost my mind.
My usual outlook is a blend of Pollyanna, Maria Von Trapp, and Olivia Benson.
If there’s a problem, I can find the silver lining. Story, song and rhythm weave through every day, at least inside my head. And when the poop emoji hits the fan, en route to DEFCON 1, I’m your girl. Advocate needed? I’m there. Freaking out? I’ve got your back. Crisis? Averted.
But this week, I felt fragile. Breakable.
Joy dissolved. Music disappeared. Confidence dissipated. Covid “overwhelm” finally hit me.
Did I use my coping skills?
Nope.
I was a first-class jerk.
Spoke words I should have left unsaid. Copped an attitude better suited to a toddler.
When feeling fragile, I don’t always think before I speak.
Instead of a (thoroughly warranted) missile strike response to my nuclear emotions, Hubby studied my face, then wrapped his arms around me. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
I’m thankful he was willing to “stand in” as a physical representative of Jesus’ love in that moment. He reminded me to talk about my feelings, not ignore or stuff them.
His response created space for me to simmer down, take a breath, reorganize my thoughts and get it together. (If you can’t read between the lines, that’s a prettied-up way of saying I went to pieces and soaked the shoulder of his t-shirt.)
Why do we lash out at our best-loved people when the stress of unmet expectations and delayed relief becomes too great?
Maybe it’s because they’re safe. We know they won’t abandon us.
In the same way, God is safe when we’re freaking out. He’s even better than our best friend or most supportive family member, because He can handle our messiest emotions without taking it personally.
Sometimes I feel guilty for piling my troubles on another human who already has a load to handle, but God is never overwhelmed by our burdens.
It’s safe to run to Him when we’re afraid.
Let’s be honest, the biggest impetus for our ridiculous behavior is fragility brought on by FEAR. Fear I won’t be heard…won’t be loved…won’t achieve my dreams…won’t get what I want or need. Fear I’ll be abandoned, fear I’ll never again be able to hug all my people, fear this crisis will never end.
Nothing we say, do, or think will ever cause God to let us go, push us away, or toss us in the trash.
Let’s ignore fear’s whispers, and listen instead to HIS voice:
“I will never leave you, never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5
“I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand. I’m here to help you, I promise. Don’t be afraid.” Isaiah 41:13
“Perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18
“Do not be afraid or discouraged. I am your God. I will strengthen you, help you, uphold you.” Isaiah 41:10
“The Lord is good. He is a refuge in times of trouble. He takes care of those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7
“I give you MY peace–permanent peace, not the fake peace of the world’s system. Let go of the troubles in your heart, and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
Here’s my favorite:
“When you pass through the river, the water will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
This week, I didn’t just feel fragile. I could barely breathe. I was drowning. And yet, the water didn’t sweep me away. This week has been a fire walk, but I’m not burned.
I am fragile, but Jesus is strong.
Sometimes I give in to fear, but God’s perfect love drives it out.
I’m going to spend more time listening to God’s promises. If you’re feeling fragile, I invite you to join me. We’re in this together. You’re not alone. Not ever.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Becky!
Hugs,
Sonja
??Hugs back! ?
?
My kids are feelings this way but so I am I. Sometimes I don’t know how to carry their hearts and my own. Any thoughts? Also they don’t go to bed! Argh.
That’s really tough—how old are your kids?
15, 13, 11, 9, 5
One thing we are learning at our house is that everybody needs some time alone–even parents, which can be difficult when you have that many in the house and/or when you have littles who need you.
Depending on your situation, you might be able to pay the two oldest to “entertain” the younger three with activities to give you a break–or if you’d rather not get into paying them, maybe you can give them special privileges they can earn by helping, so you don’t have to do it all yourself. A regular bedtime is super important. For a few months, we got into a rhythm of stay up late/sleep late, and that was not good for anyone. Kids, even teens (who are going to fight you on this), need a definite bedtime and a definite shut-off on the electronics. If they’re having trouble sleeping due to anxiety, maybe talk to your doctor about a supplement like melatonin or a mild sedative for short-term use. I struggled with insomnia as a child and it was not fun at all. I don’t think I ever really told anybody, because I didn’t realize it was strange to stay awake all night, but I would have been so happy as a kid if someone could help me fall asleep. You might not need a supplement though, you might just need a routine (if you don’t have one). Our bodies really run on a rhythm and a lot of the articles I’ve read (even for adult sleep issues) revolve around having a definite bedtime and a definite wake up time. If you sleep in until 10:00 a.m., you’re not going to be able to fall asleep easily at night.
I don’t know if any of this really helps… Feel free to contact me directly and maybe I can point you in the direction of some resources. I’ll be praying for you, sis! ??
Yep, I felt this way on a day this week. The struggle was real. I kept going back to God for help to see things in a different perspective, help with my negative feelings, emotions and thoughts. Listening to things that gave me hope. Praying over myself constantly. Releasing it all and leaving it at God’s feet. God answered me and reminded who He is and what His word says
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