Welcome back to the Hope on Purpose series! Thanks for joining us. We like you.
If you’d like to start at the beginning (which, as we all know, is a very good place to start), click here.
And because, having written the above line, I cannot get the song out of my head:
I hadn’t planned to work The Sound of Music into today’s chat, but now that we’re here… Maria (portrayed above by Julie Andrews) is a great example of today’s topic.
And yes, my fact-checking friends, I’m aware the movie changed a number of aspects for a better story. That sweeping last scene of lugging instruments over the mountains…very cinematic.
Anyway, one thing is obvious in historical archives. Real-life Maria was a driving force. She overcame a difficult childhood, abuse, and health issues. She became the magnet holding her large family together.
She chose to be positive in an incredibly difficult situation. She chose to Hope on Purpose.
Covid19 is devastating, but even so, it’s nothing in comparison to World War II. In spite of odds stacked high against her, Maria persevered. Thanks to her indomitable spirit, her family survived–and thrived.
How can we follow her example?
By choosing to hope on purpose. Requires effort? Yes. Worth it? Definitely.
But how?
That Voice in My Head
Most of us listen to an internal monologue…ALLLLLLLL day long.
Our brains pull information from what we’ve heard and filed away, or from our fears and beliefs about ourselves. Negativity is the enemy of hope.
Pretty sure I’m not the only one whose brain latches onto the negative.
That was stupid…Ugh, I knew I was going to screw that up…Really? Again? Why didn’t I see that coming? I’m an idiot.
How could you possibly make that mistake again? Don’t you know better? What’s wrong with you?
My life is terrible. Every day is one difficult situation after another. It can’t get any worse.
And instead of silencing the voices, we validate them. We believe. We spiral deeper into feelings of inadequacy.
Reminding ourselves how much we suck, reinforcing negative thoughts about ourselves–and about our situation–becomes a habit.
We focus on the difficulty, the problem, the “horrible,” or the long list of to-fix-about-me.
We focus on the NEGATIVE.
The Opposite of Negative
Years ago, I came across a thought in a *book :
We can fight negative thoughts by telling ourselves the opposite.
*I don’t remember the title (if you’re the author, feel free to raise your hand and I’ll give credit where it’s due).
Unless we’re absolutely just the dregs of the earth (unlikely), odds are good the negative things we tell ourselves aren’t even close to accurate.
In other words,
we need to stop lying to ourselves.
We need to choose to tell ourselves TRUE things.
What if we create opposite, hopeful thoughts every time we hear ourselves say something negative or discouraging?
And the opposite of NEGATIVE, is…let’s say it together:
POSITIVE.
Making a Change: Hope on Purpose
Whatever lie you’re telling yourself, choose the opposite, and say it. Choose hopeful words. Choose true words. It’s not easy, especially if we’re entrenched in a habit. But it works.
- Negative Habit Thought after spilling coffee all over my shirt: “I am so stupid.”
- Hope-on-Purpose Positive Truth: “I should have checked that lid, but that doesn’t make me stupid. I’ll be more careful next time.”
- Negative Habit Thoughts echoing an abuser: “You’re worthless. You’re an idiot. You’ll never amount to anything.”
- Hope-on-Purpose Positive Truth: “No one is worthless. I’m not an idiot. I’m getting good grades/have a job/am a kind person and people like me.”
- Negative Habit Thought about life: “This DIY list is so long. I’ll never get it done.” (Ha, yes, I feel ya.)
- Hope-On-Purpose Positive Truth: “I have a lot to do, but I work hard, and just look at the list of completed projects. If I can truly never finish this list, maybe I need to rethink my ridiculous expectations of myself.”
What if I Can’t Find Hope?
The negative-habit-mindset often stems from or feeds depression.
I was a poster child for hidden depression. I fought the darkness for years, and no one had a clue. (Or, if they noticed, no one stepped in. Worried about a friend? Talk to them.) At my lowest, the lie I often told myself was, “my life is horrible. I can’t handle this.”
God matched me up with exactly the right counselor. He challenged me to focus on the positives in my life and to stop telling myself unhelpful lies. He made me read the definition of “horrible,” then asked me to explain which parts of my life truly fell in the horrible category.
My problem wasn’t a horrible life. My problem was the constant stream of lies I told myself.
He directed me to write the following on a sticky note:
Some things are difficult, but nothing in my life is truly horrible. I can handle it. Breathe.
Baby steps. The sticky note didn’t make everything better. It wasn’t a magic yellow square (except maybe the adhesive…that stuff is fascinating). But I put the note on my computer monitor and read it every day. And I began to believe it.
Changing that inner monologue dragged me out of a black hole. But I had to choose hope.
If you’re in a tough situation, choose hope.
Choose to fight the negative.
Take a baby step.
Tell yourself something true.
Where to Find Truth
Sometimes it’s hard to find truth in the swirl of negative thoughts. The Bible is a great place to find positive promises.
One of my favorites:
Be strong and courageous…The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:7-8, NIV
Don’t have a Bible? Right now, the internet is full of not-so-positive thoughts, but it’s a useful tool to search out the good, as well. Check out BibleGateway.com.
Or, try Googling “promises in the Bible” or “what God says about me.” And when you find a verse that speaks to you, write it on a sticky note.
Hope on purpose.
And remember, you’re not alone. Not ever.
How do you hope on purpose? Share your thoughts below.
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